The Paranormal Pink Cat

On the bottom right corner of this site, there is a KISS Insights box for you to give me feedback about what topics you would like me to write about on the blog.  I put this feature on the site because I want to write about topics that are helpful as well as hilarious.  So far, I have received three responses.  One was my wife telling me to write about how wonderful she is (and she is!) and to do more chores around the house.  Another was from a very snarky individual that asked me to write about porn, beating up old people, and old people porn; and she even felt the need to repeat the request in the comment box on a recent post.  But the first request I ever received was from an anonymous person that wanted me to write about paranormal fiction.  I never actually thought that I would have the opportunity to relate that specific topic to parenting, but what you are about to read will both shock and amaze you.  And as far as I can tell, it's not fiction.


First, let me give you a little bit of background information.  When my wife and I purchased our home, the previous owners did not do what most people commonly refer to as "staging."  That means we saw the place as they lived in it, good and bad.  The most memorable thing about the place was their choice of paint colors.  The three upstairs rooms were three different shades of green, all of which were not quite sickening enough to make you vomit but were close enough that we changed them.

The second most memorable thing about this house was the master bedroom.  In this room, there was a gigantic (5ft x 3.5ft) portrait of what I can only assume were the owners' three cats.  This canvas was framed in the most gaudy, museum style frame I had ever seen in a home, and it had a very spooky feel to it - like the cats were watching you.  Now that you know this about the previous owners, I present to you the tale of "The Paranormal Pink Cat" as experienced by me.

"The Paranormal Pink Cat"     

A few nights ago, my daughter and I were enjoying our delicious dinner together while mommy was out of the house.  All of a sudden, she leans over her high chair and looks toward the floor.  Then she begins talking to the floor and holding her juice cup down at the floor.  I take notice, and I ask her, like any parent would, "What are you doing?"

"Kitty cat!" she replied.  "It's a kitty cat!"

"Where?" I said, now curious.  "Where is the kitty cat?"

"There." she said pointing to the floor.

"Is he nice?" I had to be sure.

"Yes, he's nice," she replied.

"What color is the cat?" I questioned, trying to decide if she was making this up or if she thought she really saw a cat.

"Pink." Of course, dad.

"A pink cat?  Are you sure?"

"YES! Pink! He's cute." she exclaimed.

"What's the cat's name?" I wanted to know.

"Pee." she told me.

"What's his name?" I asked in disbelief.

"PEE!" she screamed like I was some sort of idiot.

"Does he like juice?" I needed to know because she was trying to hold her cup toward the floor and if he didn't like juice, I was going to make her pick up her cup.

"Yes."  she said with an unspoken, "Can't you see me holding my stinkin' cup down here for him you moron?" sort of look in her eye that only a 19 month old can give.

"Wow," I said, "Does he hide out in the house?"

"At the beach," she said.  Which I think is a reference to a Juno Baby video, but I'm not sure.

After dinner, I cleaned her up, and let her roam around the kitchen while I cleaned up.  She started rummaging through her diaper bag, and eventually emerged with a packet of fruit snacks.  Now, if there is one thing my daughter loves, it's her gummies.  She is not one to share them with anyone, which is why it amazed me when she started trying to feed them to Mr. Pee, the paranormal pink cat.

I know most kids don't start making up imaginary friends until age three or four, so maybe she really sees a pink cat?  Maybe the previous owners had a pink cat that died in the house?  Or maybe the cat died when they tried to paint it pink?  We know they had horrible taste in paint colors.  She says he's cute and nice, but who knows?  Do paranormal cats transmit diseases?  Am I freaking out too much?

Children are supposedly more sensitive to the paranormal than adults are... then again, maybe she's just ahead of the curve and Mr. Pee is really an imaginary friend that's going to be around for a while.  I have asked her about the cat over the past few days, but she has only brought him up once more.  When I ask if she sees the cat, she actually looks around for him and then says "No."  When I ask where he is hiding, she said, "In a tree."  But here's the freaky part, if she can just imagine him whenever she wants, why does she need to look around for him?  Freaky, right?

What do you think?  Did your kids have imaginary friends?  How early?  Have your kids ever freaked you out with something paranormal?  Tell me the story.

I'll tell you one thing, if I wake up in the middle of the night because a paranormal pink cat is licking my face, Mr. Pee and I are going to have some very non-paranormal words.