In the rest of the study, the word parent is used to refer to the designated parent (mom). The problems really start to arise when they look at working moms. Apparently needing to have a phrase that sums up all types of care-giving for the children of working mothers, they use the phrase child care arrangement as the broadest category. From there, it breaks down into relative (family members) and non-relative (babysitters, neighbors, friends, and also the subcategories of family daycare providers and organized child care facilities (which is a funny statement in itself) that includes child care centers, preschools, Head Start, and even Kindergarten if the child is still under five years of age. So, a father that chooses to be an at-home parent while his spouse works is considered a relative child care arrangement. According to this New York Times blog, and a subsequent report by the Huffington Post, the same is not true of the opposite. That is, if a father is working, the mother is not a relative child care arrangement. That is apparently something else - parenting, I guess. Do you think some of us might take issue with that wording?
I am not bringing all of this up just to gripe and complain. That's only part of it. I am bringing it up because there is a solution. Dads can demand better categorization. If we don't continue to drive the conversation forward, then we will be stuck with these archaic definitions of "parent" and "child care" that are used to make sweeping generalities about our nation as a whole. If we want to help people understand that children are better off when BOTH parents are involved, we must first be the parents, then we must demand that others begin to refer to us in that way. We have changed our behavior (by being present and engaged with our families) to something that is not "normal" to society anymore, and we must therefore change the language in order to change minds about what is "normal" in America. This type of change is what any minority must go through in order to be accepted into the "norm" of society, and it doesn't come without hard work and determination.
So, what can you do? You can start by signing this petition that was started by DaddysHome.org to let the Census Bureau know that dads are parents, and we would like to be addressed in that way. Yes, this might force our federal government to have to adjust their categories, but it would more accurately reflect the reality that we live in. Dads are parents, and a lot of us want to be great at it. It's time that our society gets on board with that idea, especially for the sake of our children.
I love the part of the Census report that says "only fathers who provided child care while their wives worked is examined." So when both the mom and dad are at home, the mom is parenting and the dad is presumably doing what?
ReplyDeleteGreat explanation, Matt, of why the Census needs to change its assumptions.
Parenting has ALWAYS been a joint effort between the father and the mother. Not sure where they're coming from...since when was it the mom's job to raise the kids when there is a father in the house? Must be awkward being classified as just a relative to your own child!
ReplyDeleteGosh, I never knew this!! It's just ridiculous. Parenting is parenting, whether done by a mother or father at anytime of the day. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I happily signed the petition.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, for sure that wording has to go. I think we should get rid of the word "homemaker" too. But for the record, my ex-husband, who is not very involved with my children nor has custody is referred to as alternative child care;) Hope you get lots of press and they change the wording, love that more & more Dads are staying home.
ReplyDelete@Al Watts - Thanks for the comment. I hope that our voices are heard.
ReplyDelete@Becky Jane - Couldn't agree more! Thanks for the comment.
ReplyDelete@Kathy Radigan - Thanks for signing the petition. I wonder how many dads know that they are in the same statistical category as the babysitter?
ReplyDelete@Cari - I guess I hadn't really thought about homemaker as a negative word. I actually smiled when I checked that as my job on some surveys recently. I kind of liked it, lol. Thanks for the comment.
ReplyDeleteIt's weird where they get this stuff. More and more government is just so far removed from the real world. They live some place else from the rest of us.
ReplyDeleteGreat posts...wow, hard to believe it's still going on like this! Aren't we past dads being secondary parents?
ReplyDelete@Mommy - Yup. Totally agree. By the people with money, for the people with money.
ReplyDelete@Bruce - Unfortunately, no. But there is a whole new generation of dads that care passionately about their children and family. And we say, "Not on our watch!" Thanks for stopping by.