Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Who's sneaking a peek at presents?

One of my best skills, at least up until I began to play music in third grade, was being able to unwrap presents and preview what I would be opening on Christmas morning.  I could usually accomplish this without anyone knowing.  Of course, this meant that I would have to work extra hard to act surprised on Christmas day.  My daughter has no idea how good I was at doing this, so she will have to really work hard to outfox her old man.  But she's not the one who has been sneaking around looking for presents this year... so, who is it?  Glad you asked.  Sorry, Honey, but this must be done.

Let me give you a brief history of my wife and I giving each other presents.  My wife hates surprises, and somehow, she manages to get me to spill the beans every year about what she is getting for our anniversary, her birthday, and yes, even Christmas.  I can hear you saying, "But Matt, why don't you just keep it a secret?"  To which I would respond, "I try, but you have no idea what she's capable of!"

This year, I was determined to pull off the surprise.  You see, I asked her what she wanted for Christmas this year way back before Thanksgiving.  She gave a me a few ideas, and then I didn't bring it up for several weeks.  So, she asked how much I had spent on her for Christmas (because I usually spend more than what we budget and, in her opinion, she ends up looking bad - which is totally not true).  When I told her that I had already purchased her present, she was surprised.  After all, I usually wait until the last minute.  But not this year.

"Did you get me an MP3 player?" she asked.

"Nope. That's not what you said you wanted," I told her.

"What did I ask for? Crap! I forget..." and she began to panic.

And then, I knew I had it.  I could finally surprise her because she had forgotten what she asked for!  This will be easy.  So, when her gift arrived in a padded envelope, I took it up to my room and hid it in the top of my closet.  She hates my closet, mostly because I don't keep it very neat.  I thought it would be the perfect place to hide this perfect surprise.  When I went to check on her gift one morning, I noticed that they envelope had been tampered with.  Squirrels?  Hopefully, otherwise, mommy's in trouble.

I had been out of the house the previous night, and the wonderful, yet devious, love of my life had peeked at her present.  She was confronted, and finally confessed.  She apparently couldn't stand not knowing what I had bought for her - even though I told her it was something she specifically asked for!

So, dear readers, my question for you is this - one of my Christmas gifts came to the house in the mail today.  Should I open it as revenge for her trespasses?  Or should I be surprised and then make her feel really guilty for peeking?  Let's face it, either way I'm getting even.  Marriage is about balance.


  1. I too was an expert gift snooper. Then I got made and everyone super wrapped their presents. My mom still does it to this day.

    I too think you should not open the present and be surprised. And then if you want to make her feel a little bit guilty, go ahead.

    And also, I just came across your site today and it's great. I'll be back for sure. Have a great day.

  2. I still remember the rumble of the large bottom draw of the cabinet in the corridor where my mum used to hide our presents.

    The frisson of opening and peeking whilst the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end with the fear that she might unexpectantly return!

    We left the house when I was seven, so I accomplished this feat for several years. Spy masters are welcome to invite me to practice my skills.

    Far better than opening the present on the day.. You have time to consider the present in all its glory before fingering the real thing.



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