Friday, February 17, 2012

My Kid's First Dirty Word

Do you remember the first time you knew you were saying a "bad" word?  I remember being in kindergarten, and I was riding in the back of the bus since I was one of the last stops on the line.  It seems like only the fifth graders knew that it was cool to sit back there.  Most of the other kids sat toward the front, which is practical since the walk is shorter and the seats are full size.

By the time I got on the bus, I was usually forced to choose between sitting in the back or sitting next to the kid that ate his boogers like candy and smelled like the intoxicating aroma of cat urine and cow manure, a classic combination that is only possible to acquire in certain parts of rural Maryland.  Needless to say, I chose the back of the bus.  Those fifth graders taught me some awful things, and I remember feeling "cool" for being able to sit with them.  I had no idea they were making fun of me at the time.  I never did get to pay it forward.  By the time I got to fifth grade, it was actually "cool" to sit in the back of the bus.  I ended up sitting behind the bus driver during my fourth and fifth grade years, listening to her curse under her breath whenever anyone (usually my little brother) misbehaved.  Good times.

My daughter hasn't learned her first dirty word yet.  At least not that she is consciously aware of, but she has accidentally said a dirty word thanks to her uncle.  Remember last week when I told you about my daughter getting muddy at her cousin's house?  Well, there was one story that I intentionally left out because it stands alone without being relevant to the mud story. This is the story of how Uncle C made my daughter say a dirty word.

As our kids played in the snow and mud, I stood nearby, talking to my sister and her husband (Uncle C).  We were catching up on recent family events, and discussing some future projects he wants to complete around the house.  All of a sudden, we see my nephew, C-man, push my daughter down from behind.  She was fine, as she landed in a soft pile of mud.  So, Uncle C did his job and corrected C-man for his crime.  He had to sit on the patio as a time-out.

Feeling sorry for her cousin, my daughter went over to sit next to him.  As I went to retrieve her so that she did not distract C-man from his punishment, Uncle C said to my little one, "You don't have to sit in time-out.  You didn't push anyone. You were the pushee."

"You're a pushee?" she replied inquisitively with her inability to pronounce the "sh" sound correctly being painfully obvious.  Needless to say, we could not contain our laughter.  Thanks, Uncle C!  You taught my kid the "p" word.  She has not repeated it (yet) so I guess I can forgive you.  No hard feelings.


  1. Lol. My son says "god damage" when he drops something. Can't imagine where he learned that one.

  2. I just had to stifle a laugh with a mouth full of tea, which resulted in a sort of throat-based snort which hurt like hell. I think you may have damaged my esophagus.

  3. @crazed -Yikes! Jumped straight to taking the Lord's name in vain, huh? Well, you still have time to work on that, lol. Thanks for commenting.

    @TheCheekyKea - The owners of are not responsible for any injuries or damages as a result of the comedic content of this blog. Thank you for reading!

  4. Haha we love it!! I LOL every time I replay this in my mind. Aunt mo & uncle C

  5. You just wait, are IN for it when she becomes a tween...more than just the SEVEN words! God was kind to me...he gave me just boys!

  6. When my nephew was little, I took him to the mall. We passed by the toy store where they had a toy called 'My Poochy' in the front. He spent the next half hour yelling bc he wanted 'my poosy'. Good times.

  7. @Bravery - Thanks for visiting!

    @Aunt Mo & Uncle C - Thanks for the inspiration!

    @Bruce - If my tween hates me, I'm probably being a good parent. Can't wait!

    @Jetts31 - Love it when they yell obscenities in public places!

  8. So funny! The hardest part is not laughing, so that it only encourages it more and more. I do this with my little nephew, who pays attention to everything the adults are saying, and repeats. I just laugh, and my sister get's so mad at me for it. Really enjoyed your post!

  9. I remember when my son was 3, he and my hubby attended a family party, and my son got upset with a cousin (a year older than him). In his frustration, he hit the seat of a chair with one hand and then uttered, "Damn it!". Everybody who heard tried so hard not to laugh and then he was put on time out. I knew it was all my fault. He was only copying Mommy :-(

  10. Btw, congrats on being a featured member on voiceboks!

  11. loool it took me some moments to figure it out. :P

    It did make me think though. When my son gets old enough to start inadvertently learning dirty words I need a good patsy. Thanks for the great story. :)

  12. @Mommy Lady Club - YES! I know, I was telling my sister to stop laughing! Thanks for stopping in.

    @Joy Page Manuel - Thanks! It's a fun little community.

    @Mark Roth - ALWAYS have a patsy! Thanks for the kind words.



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