Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Now It's Time To Say Goodbye

It's all about this kid!

"Times they are a changing" - Bob Dylan

I wasn't sure when this moment would come. I knew that blogging probably wouldn't be a "forever" thing in my life. I sort of anticipated that my time as a non-working at-home dad would be limited. Sometimes, life presents you with an opportunity that you cannot not take advantage of, and I am at that crossroads. I have been an at-home dad/dad blogger for two years, and I am sad to say that this will be my last post as "The Real Matt Daddy."


Real Opportunities

I have been presented with an opportunity to be a part of a small business owned by my step-father. This job will allow me to be flexible with my schedule so that I can still take care of my daughter when she is not in school.  It will also allow me to do some things that I love to do - repair electric guitars and build cigar box guitars - and make money doing them. With this job comes the opportunity to really learn this business so that, one day, I could potentially take over when my step-dad decides to retire.

I have always wanted to run a small business, but without a sure-fire idea or start-up capital, I held back from taking such a big risk for the sake of my family. This could be the perfect opportunity because I could  potentially take over an established business without the risk of starting from scratch.  Not only that, it allows the me the flexibility that I need to be the kind of parent that I want to be and to pursue other means of giving back that I feel God calling me to at this time.

Real Balance

I feel that parents need to have a good reason for being away from their kids. One of those reasons is generating income. To be perfectly honest, the time required to write and promote a great blog that generates income takes away from being the best father I can be. It's not that I'm a bad parent when I blog, but it was different when my daughter was in a bouncer and was pretty much self-contained. She's much more active now, and I don't want to be a dad that sits online every day waiting for something to blog about while I miss out on her life. I don't want to find myself ignoring my kid because I'm promoting my latest blog post on Twitter. How would that be any different than just putting her in daycare while I go to work? The entire point of staying home was so that I could do it right, and the more I give to the blog, the less I have for her. That's just not fair to my daughter.  

"Blog at night," you say, and that would be a great idea except that I value my marriage. The evenings are the only times that I get to spend with my wife to make sure that our relationship is strong. With her busy schedule, and especially with her new, longer commute, we have to be intentional about making quality time for each other. Blogging at night would ruin that opportunity to spend time together. We'd probably end up sitting on separate couches on our digital devices "connecting" with the world and growing further apart. That's not the marriage I want, and I won't sacrifice my relationship with my wife for my writing, no matter how much I love it. I have to prioritize my relationship with my wife and daughter over my love for writing, and I am very okay with that at this point.  Writing was a very important and useful tool for me as I was leaving my full-time job to stay at home with my daughter. It really helped me process my emotions related to the major life change that was happening. I still love to write, but there are more important things in my life at this point, and I have to make room for them.

Making A Real Difference

One of my goals was to make a difference with my writing. I wanted to be a voice for men who needed some inspiration. I wanted to be an example of a good father so others could be encouraged to make the effort required to be a good father as well. There were many times when my writing made a difference for my readers, and I am thankful that our paths crossed at a time when the outpouring of my soul in text was able to speak to a thought or emotion that you were having at that same moment. Perhaps the best example I can set for you now is to make the decision to walk away (I seem to be pretty good at that. Just ask my previous employer!) Make sure the strength of your family always comes first.

I must admit, there were many times when it felt like I was "preaching to the choir" while writing on this blog. I felt like I was with a bunch of great parents standing in a circle and we were all yelling into the middle. Occasionally, one of us would have a message break through the circle. But those moments were rare, and when they did happen, they were minimized, trivialized, refuted, diluted, and rarely reached their intended audience. Anyone who could really benefit from hearing our voices was on the outside of the room that this circle was in, across the street, pulling their hair out because of their kids. They didn't get our message because we were not taking it directly to them in person.  Real change never comes by talking alone. There has to be some action. If I want to help men be better fathers or be mentors to the fatherless, I have to get involved with them personally, and that is what I plan to do here in my local area. I encourage you to do the same.

Real Thank-Yous

There are a few people who have supported this blog from the beginning, not to mention a few people I met along the way, that I need to thank.

First of all, I owe a debt of thanks to my family and friends who encouraged me and were faithful readers even when the writing was not very good.

Bruce Sallan, thank you for being my most frequent comment giver.

Zach from 8Bit Dad, I will miss beating you to posting about the latest "dadvertising" (and your jokes).

Oren from A Blogger and A Father, thanks for creating the dad blogger Facebook group and for your sarcastic sense of  humor.

John from Daddy's In Charge? Your banjo-filled Lego videos always helped keep things in perspective.

Lance and Matt from the NYC Dads Group and the other NAHDN guys (Al, Hogan, Chad, Chris and Chris), thank you for always promoting my stuff. It really means a lot that you thought it was worth sharing.

Lastly, I want to say thanks to YOU for reading this blog. I hope it kept you entertained and encouraged amid the craziness of life and parenting. I appreciate every comment, every discussion, and every social media whirlwind we shared.

38 comments:

  1. Best of luck to you, Matt. Enjoyed the conversations and discussions, and insight you brought. Check in from time to time.

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  2. Congratulations Matt, these are decisions people wrestle with all the time. Thank you for the courage to allow all of us an insight into your life and showing us that real men take care of their family whatever "role" they are playing. Many blessings to you in your future endeavors and to your family.

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  3. Sounds like you've got a great opportunity there. When it knocks, you've got to answer, eh. Well, take care and good luck in your new endeavor.

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  5. Best of luck to you. Seems like you have your priorities straight, which is the best example you could make as a dad.

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  6. Best of luck Matt! Life is a journey and you are on to the next stage... enjoy the ride and keep in touch.

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  7. Thanks for the great blog. I've enjoyed reading and following you on Facebook. I'm a SAHM but would often read tid-bits of your blog to my husband (he also can't stand when dad's "babysit" their own kids). You've had insights I hadn't considered and learned from. Good luck to you on your new endeavor. God bless!

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  8. That part about preaching to the choir is, by far, one of the most accurate descriptions of what happens in the blogging circles I have see. I can really, really relate to what you have said in this post. I think, and this again supports the screaming in a circle to no one listening theory, that people don't understand how much time and effort it takes to craft, create and promote even the simplest and sincerest of blogs.

    I truly wish the best for you and you have given me a lot to think about. I hope that you will always follow your heart because it makes you, anyone really, a man of integrity, of honor and the type of man others want to be.

    Godspeed, Matt Daddy.

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  9. Thanks, Bill. I appreciate your support. Best of luck to you as well, and I'm sure I'll see you around on FB.

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  10. Thanks, Angela! There are a lot of other great dad bloggers out there. A few were mentioned on the "Thank Yous" and there is a logo on the right side of my page to the FB group that has the best posts from the best dad bloggers around.

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  11. Thanks! I'll still be creeping around the internet, just not as often as before.

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  12. Thanks Isabel! And thanks for sharing my stuff through @Triberr

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  13. Good luck to you Matt! Don't forget: once in the club, always in the club. Don't be a stranger!

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  14. A great good-bye. Sorry to see you go but your reasons make perfect sense.

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  15. Take care of yourself, Matt, and don't be a stranger! Once a blogger, always a blogger.

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  16. Best of luck Matt.....happy for you!

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  17. Matt, really appreciated this post, and I identify with a lot of what you say in it. But the most important part:

    "Make sure the strength of your family always comes first."



    Much respect, dude. For championing that, for crafting a life that allows you the time you want with your wife and kid. Seriously, best wishes.

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  18. good luck matt daddy! you have strong voice and even stronger priorities. good for you. enjoy

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  19. If ever there were better reasons to hang up the ol' blogging hat, time to focus on your kids and marriage are the best ones I've ever heard. Best of luck, and I hope you're still able to come to Denver in October!

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  20. You will be missed!!!

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  21. I will miss you and your words, Matt. I'm sure many others will as well.
    But, I am glad to hear that you are following your calling to give your best to your family. They are your first responsibility. That's a great example to set.
    Best of luck to you with the new business opportunity.
    I hope you will pop in once in a while and let us know how you and your family are doing.
    And, please, let me know if there is ever anything I can help you with.
    -gv

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  22. Thanks Gina. I'll still be around on Facebook, probably not so much on Twitter.

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  23. Thanks, Chris. You take care of yourself too! And don't let one accident keep you away from the kitchen. Come back with a vengeance!

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  24. Still working on that. I might wait until 2015 for North Carolina (hopefully!)

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  25. Thanks, Al. You can't get rid of me that easily.

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  26. good luck! So glad I got you know even though it was short

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  31. Thanks, Mary. Things are going well so far!

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  32. Thank you for taking the time to write that piece for me. It's a great story, and I wish you the best as you keep making more great stories with your son.

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